Sunday, June 30, 2013

Why you judge others, and how to stop.


"Judgement definition- the process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and comparing"

The art of judgement is something we as people have perfected over the years.  It is not usually intentional, but a series of thoughts put together that create the subconscious thoughts about others behavior or actions.  Lets go back to how those thoughts are created.  

When you are a child you are given rules and your moral base of action.  Your parents, teachers, and other adult influences in your life have bestowed upon you their thoughts of what is acceptable behavior.  The problem is that with 7 billion people on this planet, there are a lot of different beliefs in what is acceptable.  You're taught that if you do something that contradicts those teachings that you are unworthy or "bad".  You live your life following those guidelines and when you come into contact with another person who was taught a different set of moral standards, you immediately compare them to your own.  This is human nature, the act of comparison.  The problem arises when you are unable to accept the other person's beliefs as acceptable and get frustrated or angry with them.

When you come into contact with a person that has different morals or standards in life you immediately compare that action to your own and decide if this is something you would allow yourself to do or say.  If it goes against your teachings, you will almost always think negatively about that person.  Sometimes that judgement comes from an action that you would feel embarrassed by doing.  If you found yourself in their position you would be ashamed, so you look at the person and think that they too should feel shame.  Yet, whose job is it to decide what is acceptable behavior?  If their actions are not harming another person physically or mentally, then what is so wrong about what they are doing?  If it gives them happiness, who are you to decide that they are "bad" for their actions?  

Other times we find ourselves judging a person for their behavior because we feel inferior.  Maybe its someone who got a new job promotion or some sort of recognition that we wanted for ourselves.  We feel unworthy ourselves because of their success so we make an effort to find something wrong with that person to stop the internal feelings of discomfort with ourselves.  It can even lead to times we see ourselves as less of a person because we see their actions and behaviors and deem them as better than we are. We think that if someone else can achieve success in their lives where we cannot, we are not as worthy as they are.

The truth is, we are all worthy of self love.  We are all good enough, even if our actions are not something that others would do themselves.  You need to stop seeing others as "good" or "bad" based on their personal beliefs versus your own.  You would never want another person to label you as such based on their own, so why would even spend a moment doing that to others.  The art of self love is also the art of free love.  You can love others, even when you don't agree with their behavior.  Any moment you spend concerning yourself with the behavior of others, you're just taking away your own inner peace.

To be happy in all aspects of life you have to stop judging others negatively.  See the good in them, accept their beliefs as theirs and yours as your own.  You don't have to change them, and you don't have to change yourself.  YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!  



Much love, and absolutely no judgement!
XOXO
Lauren
The Happiest Woman Alive